My Heart's Invocation: A Prayer

I have many, many layers that I have to move through, to peel back and grieve this old me. This old me that kept me safe. But I had to learn how to be unsafe and stretch my edges. I had to become more whole. Because I learned to be small. I learned that I am already whole. And that there were just parts of me that were “getting in the way”. It was a shadow cast upon the Light that I am. Perhaps, I was born into this family for a reason. It served me. It helped to find my authentic self by experiencing the discomfort of living an inauthentic life. That’s a valuable lesson. Maybe I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m just living my life. I didn’t learn how to listen to myself. It wasn’t an option. But now it is. I can be scared. I’m allowed to be afraid. I’m allowed to tell myself that I can’t do it. But that’s when I was living my life in this self-imposed box. As I grieve this old persona. Let’s honor my past. Let’s honor what I was given. That I’m still okay. This is my process. And it might not work out. I might be embarrassed and ashamed. But that’s okay. I can let myself off the hook. I’m doing a very brave thing. Finally choosing to live an authentic life. And it’s scary as fuck and I’m doing it. Good for me. Because now I don’t have a choice other than to trust myself. To trust life. Even if I’ve never done it before. So now I’m practicing that. I have this old story. That I have to sell my soul to be comfortable, to make money. But that’s just a story. I’ve internalized it. I believed it for decades. It was reflected all around me. Yet my heart tells me that it’s not true. That’s good to know. I can let that story go. I can notice when it comes up. Cause I feel like shit when I believe it. And I don’t have to. The truth is life wants me to be myself. Life supports me when I am joyful and authentic. I’ll follow what makes me feel most alive and I reject the suffering of this ancestral karma. Perhaps spanning lifetimes. I’m letting it go. This great big container of history. This heavy story. I let it all go. I let it go from my physical body. My mental body. My emotional body. My spiritual body. My energy body. I release it all. I didn’t know any better before. And now I do. I am finding my way. I am standing with my feet on this Earth. With my good strong legs. Chest out. Chin up. To walk in my own way. And that feels good. There is no wrong path. This is just me. Doing my life. I am in transformation. I am in process. I am trusting all of it. All of it. I trust the fear. I trust the confusion. It’s just movement. It’s just energy. And I’m choosing to change my frequency. Because I know how to face the fear, face the self-doubt, the shame. I know those parts. And I no longer choose them. And if they ever arrive, and they will, I stay present to them. And I put my hands on my heart and breathe through it, slowly and deeply. Fully. And I thank my body. My nervous system. For letting me know. I can thank all these parts and let them know they’re okay. Everybody’s included. And they can rest. The universe works with me, and for me. I invite all my non-physical helpers. Spirit guides. Angels. Ancestors. My soul. The universe. The God in me. I invite them in. To love me and support me and guide me. And I know they care. There is no future. There is just now. And I’m okay. I’m finding my way. It’s happening. I’m supported. I’m safe. I am loved. I am never alone. [take deep breath in. take an even deeper breath out]

Amen. A’ho. Ashe. And this is so.